I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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