i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
