Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
