Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
