you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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