I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
