we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
