This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
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I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
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i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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