So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
