We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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