you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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