I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I want her autograph on my taint
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
