Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
