If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
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