There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
