we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
