Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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