I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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