He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
