Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
they call him Oral-B. enough said
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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