if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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