I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
