You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
