Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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