Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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