We tried having a conversation with our noses.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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