she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
