i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
