omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
