My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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