Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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