i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
