I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
