Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
