why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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