It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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