Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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