We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
