it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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