you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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