you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
