yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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