why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
