If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize