I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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