I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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