I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
