i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
