Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
A bitchslap is in order.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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