They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
