if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
