I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Fuck me I smell like cheese
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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