My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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