He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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