Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
