That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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