It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
