Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
