I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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