'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize