It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
