I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
