She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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