We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
