You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
