A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize