you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
