Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
