Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
