I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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