I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Can I color on your dick again?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
