I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
