called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
