Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
