just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
