I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
