When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm too high and old for this...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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