I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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